I'm Fine
by TakeAChanceOnMe
Summary: They say love finds you when you least expect it. But can you handle this if it happens to you? Rosie centered one-shot.


_Dedicated to Liv; my very own Donna, Patsy & Judith Jones rolled up into one. ;) You're a LEG-END (not only!) for beta reading love! *hugs you tight & kisses you on the cheeks* Love you babe! - Viki_

_**- I'm Fine -**_

Staring blankly at the words in front of her eyes, Rosie sighed and put the novel down on her lap. She wasn't paying attention anyway. She slid her favorite bookmark onto the edge of the page she read last and ran her index finger on the now slightly matte 'R' that it formed. With a sad smile playing on her lips, she closed her eyes and took a deep intake of breath, inhaling the lovely scent of the little Greek island that was the home of one of her best friends.

_Why am I doing this to myself?_ She wondered. It was one of her habits she hated and was desperate to change – to keep objects, which once meant a lot to her. Many people did the same, being afraid that if they gave up on these things, the sweet moments and cherished memories they symbolized would fade away too. But in Rosie's case, there were sad and painful memories too, she was somehow unable to let go. She kept them in her mind and from time to time, she re-lived them. She used to say her past is what made her the woman she is now and because of that, she didn't have regrets. Yes. She believed that, and most of the time she was convinced, that things had to happen the way they were meant to be. Quite an easy way to think about our life, isn't it?

But she was most definitely a complicated woman and there were days like today, when the only thing she wished for was to be able to start again. She knew of course, that it was useless to fantasize about the '_what ifs_', because they weren't real possibilities to consider. Still it felt good sometimes to imagine how her life could've been turned out if she had done things in other ways.

There were such memories she wouldn't give up for anything of course. Her happy and balanced childhood with her beloved parents; the moment she had met Tanya and Donna for the first time; their carefree, joyful times as 'Donna & the Dynamos'; the day when her first manuscript for a cookbook was bought by a publisher… to mention only a few of them. Rosie was well-aware of the fact, that she was very lucky to have so many beautiful moments to recall and such adoring friends around her, and she tried her best to make her loved ones feel how much she appreciated having them in her life. Her tiny, thoughtful gestures showed: they meant the world to her. Either it was an unexpected invite for a chat, or sending a funny text that made you crack up, Rosie seemed to feel what you just needed. There was something special about her, you couldn't exactly point out, but everyone could feel it in her presence, catching people's hearts immediately.

"_You are so… one of a kind."_ She was used to hear these four words as a description of herself often, but she will never forget the time,_ he_ had said it to her...

She had met Ben in Munich, on the German launch-on of her second cookbook, where she asked for an interpreter; just to be on the safe side. They were attracted to each other from the moment they had been introduced. Ben just couldn't get over her endless rambling, when she got lost in the twists and turns of her own thoughts, stopping in her tracks. He found it adorable how she touched her lips slightly with her fingertips, trying to remember what the one thing was she wanted to say in the first place. She had always been one that talked too much, but her rambling reached an extreme level, every time she was nervous. And Ben made her _very_ nervous. He was much taller than her, his beautiful, chocolate-colored eyes matched his short, dark hair. With that mischievous smile playing on his lips, Rosie found him devastatingly handsome; and no woman would argue that.

It was the first day of her four-day long trip and they were in the first bookstore. Rosie loved to meet and chat with her readers, sharing her passion for cooking and the joy of creating new recipes with them. Ben watched her with amusement as she gestured widely with big, intense movements, trying to explain exactly how she used to make one of her famous cakes. A sudden, strong smack on his chest was enough to take him back to reality, when Rosie had accidentally punched him with the back of her hand in the heat of her little show.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to –" She quickly began to apologize, blushing with an increasing speed, but he cut her off.

"Don't worry about it Rosie. Although next time you want me to translate something for you, it would be enough if you just say so. You don't have to hit me to get my attention you know…" He said with a playful smile.

"Oh, okay. At least now I know why all my previous interpreters acted so weird, whenever I hit them." She replied widening her eyes and nodding at the 'newfound' information, as a smile spread across her face too.

They were sitting there for over three hours now, as Rosie patiently signed all the books that have been brought to her. The next woman in the line began to gush too about how she loved Rosie's previous book. She told her, that she'd tried nearly everything from it and quickly asked for the cook's opinion on her own recipe. As Ben leant over to explain what the woman had just said, Rosie was already answering in perfect German. She then handed the signed book to the blonde, wishing her happy cooking. His jaw dropped and as he stared at her, the look on his face said it all.

"Okay… Now I'd really like to know what exactly am I doing here…" He asked her surprised. She just giggled at his shocked expression and kept on signing the copies of her book.

"I like it when things are running smoothly." She answered, casting a quick glance at him before her gaze returned to the front page of the book that was lying in front of her, signing her name yet again. "And it's always good to have company… You know…if I suddenly have the urge to punch someone." She added, looking into his eyes from above her glasses, sticking out just the tip of her tongue between her teeth and biting on it gently for a second. They shared a cheeky smile and at that moment, she knew for sure.

He liked her. The question was – just as ever – if he liked her as funny, entertaining company, or… _Nah, it couldn't be._ Rosie thought to herself. _He can have any woman he wants, there's no way, he's interested in ME._ With that, she quickly convinced herself and put her mind at ease. There was no reason for her to be tense around him from now on.

oOo

She was in her hotel room after an exhausting day of traveling to Germany and getting through her first dedication. Wanting to relax a little Rosie ran a bath and picked up one of her favorite novels she was re-reading every now and again. Garcia Marquez's _One Hundred Years of Solitude. _An hour later, when the water was already cold, she folded the top edge of the page and got out of the tub. She was looking for her white shirt in her suitcase, when the phone rang. Ben invited her to have dinner with him. Rosie agreed without hesitation; she hated eating alone. She grabbed her thin, turquoise necklace before leaving her room and stepped into the elevator. She was still struggling to fasten its clip, when the door opened and she entered the hall. Letting out a frustrated sigh, Rosie looked down at the tiny clasp. She concentrated on it, whilst walking in a rush, until she bumped into someone.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I haven't –" She paused, as her gaze met Ben's dark eyes.

"You're not only hitting people, but you're running over them too? Is that some sort of habit of yours? Because then I'd better watch my moves from now on." He said, clearly amused by her clumsiness.

"Well… It's not my fault that you're always around me, is it?" Rosie replied, pulling an innocent face, now holding the necklace in her palm.

"It's your fault that I _want _to be around you." He replied. "Here. Let me help you with that." Ben quickly added, trying to change the subject from his previous statement. He held out his hand to her, asking for the jewel. Judging by her confused facial expression, he clearly made her feel uncomfortable with blurting out that short sentence. Rosie handed him the necklace and turned around, placing her right palm on the jewel to keep it in place, as the material made contact with her skin. He fastened the clasp and rested his hand lightly on her back for a moment, before she turned around to face him again. She involuntarily leant a little closer to him, as she began to speak.

"Well thank you. I always struggle with that bloody thing, but I love it too much not to wear it."

"And it goes perfectly with that outfit too, huh?" He smiled, referring to her matching turquoise trousers she was wearing.

"Yeah. That too." She smiled back at him, tilting her head a bit to the side.

She always liked to play with the colors she chose to wear. She _loved_ them. All the bright, vivacious pieces reflected her fun, bubbly personality. The little accessories were her favorites. Being not at all a fashionista, she wore things she liked in an eclectic way, creating her very own, 'Rosie-ish' style.

"You look beautiful. It was a great choice, if you don't mind me saying so." Ben complimented on her looks.

"Erm… thank you. Actually it was a gift from my best friends. They gave it to me like a century ago." She chuckled, trying to cover the blush on her cheeks with a laugh and her usual talking.

"It really does suit you. They must have known you very well."

"Oh, they certainly do. They had bought this from around a girl's neck after we performed in a club. I was gushing after the show about how it caught my eyes, when we were on stage." Rosie fondly touched the thin string and giggled as Tanya's victorious face came into her mind, waving with the necklace in her clenched fist, followed by a shouting, jumping Donna.

"Wow. You really are full of surprises, aren't you? I can't wait to get to know you some more." He said.

She widened her brown eyes and began to talk. "There's not much to say about myself, really. I just… you know… jabbering all the time. But I barely know anything about you, so from now on, you do all the talking tonight, okay?"

"How about you keep your adorable rambling flowing and I do my best to keep up with you?" He asked with a charming smile. She just smiled back and for a few seconds their gazes locked.

"Umm… we should get going. I'm pretty sure they won't serve us dinner _here._" Rosie broke the silence, referring to the fact they were still standing in the lobby of her hotel. "And I could really use a good dinner. I'm _starving_!" She added giggling, making Ben laugh as well, as she emphasized her last word.

They went to a tiny restaurant Ben knew. As it turned out, he had lived here since his early twenties. The conversation flowed and both of them could feel, something special was about to develop. They enjoyed each other's company and every little detail they got to know about the other made their fresh connection stronger. Rosie and Ben were equally happy to realize that they shared the love of laughing, joking around and making others crack up as well. They had many things in common and although they'd only met on that very day, there were no awkward silences at the table. Both of them loved their work passionately and they were interested in the other's job too: Rosie had loved to learn foreign languages since a young age and Ben surprised her with his confession, he wanted to be a chef. In the end he had chosen to study to be an interpreter, but his deep interest and love for cooking remained the same. She kept staring at his lips as he spoke, slightly losing concentration of what he was talking about.

"So what do you think?" Ben's question brought her back. He could see she was lost, so he continued before she could even have a chance to reply. "I'd love to have a professional's opinion on my skills in the kitchen. I was thinking I could cook us a dinner on Friday. See if I have any tricks up my sleeve to impress you with."

"Oh, I'm sure you do. But we'll see." Rosie agreed on Ben's offer, with a huge smile on her face.

"It's a date then." He replied enthusiastically.

oOo

She felt something cold splashing on her hair as she got out of the cab. She looked up to the night sky, only to get hit by another few raindrops, landing on her glasses and one above the corner of her mouth. She was about to wipe it off, when she felt Ben's thumb lightly brushing the side of her lips. He rested his palm on her neck, and locked his gaze with hers.

"I really enjoyed myself today and I'm already looking forward to meeting you in a few hours." He said, before leaning down and placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Erm… me too… Me too." Rosie answered, her voice shaking a little. He let go of her and got back into the taxi, never taking his eyes off her. She stood there, until the car drove off and rushed into the hotel from the lazily pouring rain. Her skin was still burning where he had touched and kissed her.

Tapping her lips nervously with her fingertips, Rosie tried to find a perfect explanation to the day's happenings. _Oh, God. I'm doing it again. I can't fall for him, it's only been a day for crying out loud! It's pathetic. A man looks at me and I immediately think that he's into me. Where are you now Tanya, when I need your help? For once in my life, I could really use your expertise and now you're somewhere across the ocean, heading to the Bahamas with husband #2. Okay. Calm down. Let's see…_ She was wide awake the whole night, analyzing every little detail of the previous day, wondering if it was only her imagination that had mistaken Ben's kindness for flirting.

oOo

Sitting down in the hall of the hotel the next morning, Rosie was waiting for her cab to arrive. She took out her novel from her bag to pass the time with reading. Few minutes later a familiar voice brought her back to reality.

"What do you have there?"

"Oh, hi. Umm, Garcia Marquez." Rosie answered smiling, as she looked up at Ben and lifting up the book she showed him the cover.

"_One Hundred Years of Solitude._" He read. "So how do you like the whole fantasy-idea of it, so far?" He asked her.

"Well, it's not the first time I read it; it's actually one of my favorites, so I re-read it from time to time."

"Yes, I can see that. You're a folder."

"Huh? Oh. Yes, I've done it since I was little. Can't help it… It makes some people crazy; that's why I never borrow a book. I ruin them." She answered, realizing he was talking about her marking-habit.

"I see." He nodded, smiling at her. "Let's get going, we have a lot to do today Rosie."

The day went by quickly; she spent it with Ben at some more signings in bookstores. At the end of it Rosie was completely exhausted – still struggling from the lack of sleep from the previous night. Although she wanted to spend the evening with Ben again, she decided it'd be for the better if she had a proper sleep instead. Besides, they were going to have dinner at his place the next day. She was very excited about it, but at the same time she tried her best to not get carried away too far with her thoughts. She felt she was as near as she could be, to falling for him and was eager to stop herself from that. Telling herself that it would only end up badly, she found herself subconsciously wrecking her relationships again and again in a short period. She wasn't about to make the same mistake this time. She _won't_ fall for him.

oOo

Friday came and everything went just the way it was planned. She only had one more store to go to and they were done by late afternoon. Ben told her he was going to pick her up at nine and take her to his place, but Rosie insisted to an earlier appointment; she wanted to help him preparing the meal.

"Okay, so what do you have in mind? What can I do for you?" Rosie asked, waiting for Ben's reply as she put on an apron around her waist.

"I don't know if you like French cuisine, but I happen to be very good at it." He said, raising a brow suggestively.

"Oh. Well, that makes one of us… Of course I can give it a try every once in a while, but I'm no Julia Child to be quite honest." Rosie giggled, as she washed and began to cut some vegetables that were lying on the counter.

"You certainly aren't." He chuckled. Rosie looked at him with a slightly surprised look on her face; that wasn't the way people use to compliment a great cook like her. "I wasn't referring to your skills Rosie, don't take it that way. You're way smaller and much more adorable, than her." He continued, making her blush yet again for the umpteenth time in the past few days. "Especially when you're blushing like now." He added and smiled as her face was turning into the deepest red he'd ever seen.

"Umm…" She began to say at least a short 'thank you' or something, but he cut her off.

"Listen Rosie." He stated, getting her undivided attention with the serious tone he used. "I think for now, both of us have realized, that we have feelings for each other. I mean… I know it's only been a few days and I'm not saying that I'm in love with you already, but I think it's just a matter of time. I was attracted to you from the first moment and I might be wrong, but I think you feel the same way too. I enjoy very much being with you, even if it only means sitting next to you in a bookstore, saying a few words, when you need me. You are so… one of a kind. I'm sorry if I'm rushing things, but I couldn't let you leave tomorrow without knowing, that… I think we should try dating each other. I know it's sudden, but you really are very special to me." He finished now standing in front of her, waiting for her to say something, as Rosie's facial expression turned from blushed into shocked.

"I… umm…wow." She finally managed to say, trying desperately to pull herself together and give a more relevant reply. "That is so sweet Ben, and… and yes, I do feel the same way about you, and oh my God, yes, yes it would make me very happy to give it a try and…" She nervously began to talk, but she only could hope that what she was saying made any sense at all. She was suddenly interrupted by him, as he stepped closer and cupping her face into his hands, he leant down and brushed his lips with hers.

"For God's sake Rosie… shut up woman." He softly said between kisses and felt her lips curling up against his.

oOo

_Oh, Goodness, what have I done?_ Rosie immediately panicked, when she woke up the next morning. She was lying in bed with Ben; his arm wrapped around her stomach, holding her close from behind. _And I'm the one teasing Tanya all the time about jumping into bed with complete strangers! What was I thinking? We've only known each other for 3 days! Oh, my God. I can't believe myself!_ The more she thought about it, the worse her situation seemed. All the happenings of the previous night were coming back to her… _Practically from the second, Ben had kissed her, she lost all her self-control. They had made love before dinner was ready. Later they've finished cooking their meal and ate it on the balcony sharing more laughs, only to return into his apartment in a short time to make the most of the night…_ Rosie was terrified by now and Ben's rhythmical breathing on the back of her neck, tickling her skin wasn't really helping her. _I have to get out of here before he wakes._ She thought and gently began to remove his arm from around her, trying her hardest not to wake him with her movements. He moaned in his sleep, as she carefully got out of the bed and dressed up in a hurry.

"Rosie?" Ben called her name on a sleepy voice a few hours later, when he woke up and found himself alone in the bed. "Darling?" He called again, not getting any answer this time either. Standing up to look for her, something caught his eyes. It was on the kitchen counter, on the top of the crumpled apron she wore last night. He took the paper, to read what it said:

_Dear Ben,_

_I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, but I have to leave. I don't want you to think that I have regrets, or that me leaving has anything to do with you. It's all me Ben. I was never good at being in a relationship. I always make a mess of even the most beautiful things. I couldn't let this happen to us, because I couldn't live with the thought, I made you feel miserable. That's why I have to go now Ben, I hope you understand me. I don't want you to be upset, because at the end, I'd have screwed it up anyway. Last night meant a lot to me and it's a night I will always remember the way it was. Ben, I have to leave, before I'd ruin that. You too are very special to me, I want you to know that and it kills me deep inside to leave you this way, without a single word, but I have to. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. _

_I'm so sorry._

_- Rosie_

"That's ridiculous. Why are you so afraid? And why haven't you told me Rosie?" He said it out loud, as he kept staring at the short note. Anyone could tell she was troubled when she wrote it. The whole thing was a mess. He casted a quick glance at the clock; he could still catch her before she checks out from the hotel. He dressed up in a blink of an eye and grabbing a little turquoise box, he left his apartment in a rush. She had left the hotel twenty minutes before he arrived there.

"Oh, shoot. I was almost at the airport when I realized, that something's missing." Said Rosie, as she entered the hotel again, rolling her eyes at her own clumsiness and smiling at the receptionist.

"You shouldn't have worried about your luggage you left here Ms, we had already sent it to the airport with a taxi after you and sorted out to get it on the plane." Came the reply.

"Oh. Well. Thank you. I think I'm going to meet it at home then." She smiled and saying goodbye, she had left the hotel for the second time that day.

oOo

Few days went by with being in a constant worry and lying awake pensively at nights, before Rosie finally began to unpack her bags. She zipped her suitcase open and to her surprise, she found a tiny turquoise box in it. Blinking perplexedly, she took it and as she had removed the top, a small piece of paper fell to the floor. She picked it up and unfolding it, she read the little note.

"_In case you'd like to borrow a book from me. Now you can read without worrying you'll ruin it. B" _

It was an 'R'-shaped bookmark, you can slide onto the top of the page. Rosie's heart broke at that very moment.

After her return to England, Ben traveled there, trying to speak to her and convince her, that there was nothing to be scared of. Not giving him one chance to meet her, Rosie stuck to the idea in her head, that she would mess it up again and thought it would only benefit Ben not to have her in his life. She was terrified of what could go wrong, if she was with him. The possibility of a happy, balanced relationship hadn't crossed her mind once. She never talked about Ben to a soul, not even to her best friends. Deep in her mind Rosie knew they'd say she should've given it a try and if she wouldn't change her attitude, she'll never find love. If she'd have told Donna and Tanya, they would've confronted her that she had done exactly, what she was so eager to avoid. She had ruined it. And made both herself and Ben feel miserable.

oOo

"What's my dear little hermit reading?" Tanya's loud, powerful voice snapped Rosie immediately out of her thoughts. "Oh, come on! Don't tell me you're reading this book _again_? I'm so gonna buy you some new ones. At least a new copy of this, if that's what you love soooo much to read again and again. It's a miracle it's still in one piece." She added, sitting down next to her friend, looking at the glistening water of the Mediterranean Sea lying in front of them.

"I love this book." Rosie said softly, looking towards the sea as well.

"_One Hundred Years of Solitude._ Even saying it out loud gives me chills, let alone to read a whole book about it. But it's no wonder you like it so much." Tanya teased Rosie, poking her lovingly in the ribs. Getting only a deep sigh in response, Tanya pulled down her sunglasses to see the reason behind the lack of the regular quick quip, she was expecting to hear. She could tell there was something on her friend's mind; Rosie only went silent, when something was bothering her, driving both Tanya and Donna crazy with her inability to share her problems.

It had happened more than six years ago, but Rosie still used to think about that four days she had spent with Ben. She wasn't sure even back then, if leaving him was the right thing to do; but as time went by, she realized she had possibly made the biggest mistake of her life. She could never forgive herself for being such a coward, throwing her chance for happiness away. All the possibilities and the things they could've had together haunted her. She just couldn't get over him, to tell the truth and keeping it to herself only made it worse.

"Something's wrong honey? Are you okay?" Tanya asked her concerned, wrapping her arm around Rosie's shoulder. Tracing her index finger along the bookmark again, Rosie let a bittersweet smile curl her lips upwards. She took a deep intake of breath, trying to compose herself and sound as if nothing was going on. She looked into Tanya's worried eyes and replied reassuringly.

"Nothing's wrong Cleopatra. I'm fine."

_*The End*_


End file.
